Ok, I’ll admit it. Last Christmas was hard. It was very hard. My mother had passed away in July, my father had a hip replaced in October, my sister had lost her mother-in-law in November, and my mother-in-law continued to have complications from months of chemo.
Spiritually by December I was spent…..running on fumes….barely hanging on. It was much easier to stay home on Sunday mornings than it was to sit in the service at church and wipe tears away. I would have fallen apart had it not been for my Bible, kind friends, and my understanding family.
By December I was really beginning to realize what life would be like without Mother. I had identified thousands of questions I wish I had asked and was still avoiding weeding through any of her things storied in my basement. Over at History Is Elementary I posted a 13 list regarding what I wanted for Christmas and the last thing I asked for was one more conversation with my mother.
We have been undergoing renovations at my home for over a year. Last year we were painting the great room so furniture was out of place and ladders were standing against the walls. I used the disarray in my home as an excuse for the disarray in my heart and decided to forego Christmas decorations including a tree.
In my post I'm Not Trying to be a Grinch, Really I wrote:
My family has been very supportive of my decision to not unpack Christmas and drag it about the house. It’s just not in me. The sheer thought of having to make Christmas is simply too overwhelming this year. I think I’ve finally reached the apex of my grieving and folks simply need to let me be. No more fending and fighting it off…..I need to wallow and flop about in it. I need to be messy with it and let it ooze from my pores.
Now, a year later, I still don’t think I’m done, but I am at a different place.
Time. Time. Time. That is the magic ingredient.
One of the little things that did help me last year was a poem an online friend sent me out of the blue….totally unexpected. I was touched by her effort to reach out to me in some way, and her efforts did make a difference.
Perhaps you have stumbled across this post and you are grieving over the loss of someone. I hope it helps to know that you are not alone. Others are grieving too, but while we grieve we should also be celebrating that our loved ones are in Heaven whether it is their tenth year there, their second, or even their first……..
My First Christmas in Heaven
I see the countless Christmas trees around the world below
With tiny lights, like heaven’s stars reflecting on the snow.
The sight is so spectacular please wipe away the tears
For I am spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year.
I hear the many songs that people hold so dear
But the sound can’t compare with the Christmas choir up here.
I have no words to tell you the joy their voices bring,
For it is beyond description to hear the angels sing.
I know how much you miss me; I see your tortured heart
But I am not so far away, we really aren’t apart.
So rejoice for me my loved ones, you know I hold you dear
And be glad I’m spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year.
I sent you each a special gift from my heavenly home above.
I sent you each a memory of my all undying love.
After all, love is a gift more precious than ingots made of gold,
For I can’t count the blessings or love He has for you.
So have a merry Christmas and wipe away that tear.
Remember I am spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year.
Merry Christmas to you and those in Heaven!