Monday, April 28, 2008

A Letter from Heaven

The following is one of those emails you get that have already made themselves around the world a hundred times by the time you get it. What is so important about this particular email is the timing…..It was sent on Friday, April 25th. It was sent by my sister. It was sent on the very day I was in the mountains dealing with spiritual issues. It was the very day I faced down, owned up to, and let go of my anger at myself and God for my mother’s death from cancer.

My sister didn’t know I was gone. She didn’t know I was at a retreat. She didn’t know I had had a hard time dealing with my mother’s death a year and half ago. She certainly didn’t know I was mad at God for the way my mother was taken.

Who wants to tell someone they are mad at God!?!

Well, the anger is gone. Time to move on and be about His business….but He does move in wonderous ways. My sister sent this to me on the very day I also realized what the mother in this story realized about the death of her son. I've bolded the parts that spoke to me the most.

She jumped up as soon as she saw the surgeon come out of the operating room. She said: 'How is my little boy? Is he going to be all right? When can I see him?'

The surgeon said, 'I'm sorry. We did all we could, but your boy didn't make it.'

Sally said, 'Why do little children get cancer? Doesn't God care any more? Where were you, God, when my son needed you?'

The surgeon asked, 'Would you like some time alone with your son? One of the nurses will be out in a few minutes, before he's transported to the university.'

Sally asked the nurse to stay with her while she said good bye to son. She ran her fingers lovingly through his thick red curly hair. 'Would you like a lock of his hair?' the nurse asked. Sally nodded yes. The nurse cut a lock of the boy's hair, put it in a plastic bag and handed it to Sally.

The mother said, 'It was Jimmy's idea to donate his body to the University for Study. He said it might help somebody else. 'I said no at first, but Jimmy said, 'Mom, I won't be using it after I die. Maybe it will help some other little boy spend one more day with his Mom.' She went on, 'My Jimmy had a heart of gold. Always thinking of someone else. Always wanting to help others if he could.'

Sally walked out of Children's Mercy Hospital for the last time, after spending most of the last six months there. She put the bag with Jimmy's belongings on the seat beside her in the car.

The drive home was difficult. It was even harder to enter the empty house. She carried Jimmy's belongings, and the plastic bag with the lock of his hair to her son's room.

She started placing the model cars and other personal things back in his room exactly where he had always kept them. She lay down across his bed and, hugging his pillow, cried herself to sleep.

It was around midnight when Sally awoke. Lying beside her on the bed was a folded letter. The letter said :

'Dear Mom,

I know you're going to miss me; but don't think that I will ever forget you, or stop loving you, just 'cause I'm not around to say 'I Love You' . I will always love you, Mom, even more with each day. Someday we will see each other again. Until then, if you want to adopt a little boy so you won't be so lonely, that's okay with me. He can have my room and old stuff to play with. But, if you decide to get a girl instead, she probably wouldn't lik e the same things us boys do. You'll have to buy her dolls and stuff girls like, you know.

Don't be sad thinking about me. This really is a neat place. Grandma and Grandpa met me as soon as I got here and showed me around some, but it will take a long time to see everything. The angels are so cool. I love to watch them fly. And, you know what? Jesus doesn't look like any of his pictures. Yet, when I saw Him, I knew it was Him. Jesus himself took me to see GOD! And guess what, Mom? I got to sit on God's knee and talk to Him, like I was somebody important. That's when I told Him that I wanted to write you a letter, to tell you good bye and everything. But I already knew that wasn't allowed. Well, you know what Mom? God handed me some paper and His own personal pen to write you this letter I think Gabriel is the name of the angel who is going to drop this letter off to you. God said for me to give you the answer to one of the questions you asked Him where was He when I needed him?' 'God said He was in the same place with me, as when His son Jesus was on the cross. He was right there, as He always is with all His children.

Oh, by the way, Mom, no one else can see what I've written except you. To everyone else this is just a blank piece of paper. Isn't that cool? I have to give God His pen back now He needs it to write some more names in the Book of Life. Tonight I get to sit at the table with Jesus for supper. I'm sure the food will be great.

Oh, I almost forgot to tell you. I don't hurt anymore the cancer is all gone.. I'm glad because I couldn't stand that pain anymore and God couldn't stand to see me hurt so much, either. That's when He sent The Angel of Mercy to come get me. The Angel said I was a Special Delivery! How about that?

Signed with Love from God, Jesus & Me.

You'll be happy to know that my sister and I are having lunch next week, and no more holding back. We are big girls and with God's love and grace we can face anything, and so can YOU! :)


Anonymous said...

Thanks you so much for sharing your story and this letter.

My mom died in 2002 from cancer in an "unfair" way too. Most of the time I think I'm okay with it, and then I read something like your post and I realize that I still ache for mom's presence.

And I still ache from how she died.

Maybe I have some more business to tackle concerning God.

Thanks so much for your honesty in sharing. You've made a difference in my life today.

EHT said...

I'm so very glad this post struck a chord with you, and I will pray that God moves in your life regarding the grief you still carry.

There is no timetable for grief. There is no prescribed way to grieve. We must all hack our way through jungle in our own way and own time, but one thing I did have to learn is that we cannot make our way through the jungle if we take our eyes away from Him.

jquiltmaker said...

I'm sorry about the loss of your Mom. It is good that your journey of healing has begun. I know it is tough because my Dad died in 1979, when I was 26 and my Mom died in 1997. I think the biggest loss I felt was for my children not having grandparents. I also lost a sister of a cancerous brain tumor just two and half years ago. I know the Lord has His hand in bringing things together for your healing. Hugs!!

elementary historyteacher said...

Thank you for the comment. I'm sorry for your losses. Death and loss is common to all of us. I've learned we have to reach out....we cannot do this grief thing alone.

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